20 Things To Do When You Feel Lonely
Just like how fasting causes you to feel hunger and crave food, isolation causes you to feel lonely and crave connection. Instead of wallowing in the feeling of loneliness, I'd like you to reframe your thinking and see loneliness as an opportunity.
Here are 20 easy things to do now to help yourself out of a loneliness funk:
UNDERSTAND THE FEELING. Start by spending some time looking at your loneliness. What is it telling you? Do you need more of something? What is it that you need? I think most of the time we say to ourselves "I feel lonely and loneliness is a "bad" feeling and I don't like how it feels." But then we simply try to distract ourselves and whatever is causing the feeling remains when the distraction ends. Instead of writing loneliness off as a bad feeling, try to understand the "why" behind the feeling. Understanding why a feeling exists in the first place is an essential step to getting through the feeling.
SAVE THIS LIST AND PUT IT TO USE. How many times have you saved something to your phone never to use it again? You asked for this list because you would like help with your feeling of loneliness...so use it! Start with small steps. Take this list and do one thing on this list. Then once you’ve taken the first step, check it off and next week move on to the next step.
CONTACT A FRIEND. Reach out and make a plan for a date with someone for the upcoming week. Make a list of people you'd like to spend some time with be it meeting for coffee, a meal, a phone call or a simple walk around the block. Then start with the first person and don't stop until you get a yes. Remember, people are busy, so don't take a no personally, just move on to the next person on your list.
STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. Spend less time on social media. Social media can be great but it can also be a place of major FOMO. It’s not real life and most people are just showing you their highlight reel. If you find yourself feeling sad, lonely, jealous, annoyed, angry or hopeless after scrolling instagram or facebook, that means you should take a break.
VOLUNTEER. Research shows volunteering leads to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Make a short list of things you love or social issues that matter to you: animals, homelessness, babies who are born prematurely, children who are hospitalized, cleaning up lakes and oceans, the options are endless. Pick 3 topics and look up volunteer efforts near you for each. Then call one organization today and get on their volunteer schedule.
ADOPT A PET. This may be the only thing we need on this list. Adopt a pet and you will never be lonely. I recently adopted a rescue dog and there isn’t time for me lately to think about loneliness. This dog has been such great company (and a source of lots of laughs because I adopted a silly clown). Having a pet gives people a sense of purpose and fulfillment and lessens feelings of loneliness.
CREATE AN ANTI-LONELINESS VISION BOARD. Cut out pictures and quotes that signify the opposite of loneliness, whatever that term means to you. Envision your ideal life where you are filled up emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and feel a sense of belonging, community and companionship. Vision boards may seem a little woo woo to you, but there is a lot of research supporting their effectiveness.
WRITE DOWN YOUR ANTI-LONELINESS GOALS. Write down your anti-loneliness goals for the next 6 months. By the end of 6 months, where do you expect yourself to be? In a new book club? At a new gym taking 2 classes a week? Maybe you’ve joined an online support group for a mental health concern. Or maybe you took my advice in #5 and you're volunteering.
TALK TO STRANGERS. You're an adult now so it's ok to talk to strangers. Push pass your comfort zone and make yourself talk to others daily; the checkout person at Target, other moms at school pickup, the mail carrier, and even people walking their dogs by your house. It’s so small but gives us a sense of connection to others and it strengthens our social skills which builds confidence.
MAKE EYE CONTACT AND SMILE. Eye contact can be difficult for people because we're either too rushed, too distracted or maybe it feels too vulnerable. I want you to try today to make eye contact with and smile at everyone you see and make note of how it makes you feel. This simple gesture will feel good for you and the recipient. That's a lot of good energy you have the power to put into the world.
GET OUTSIDE. Get outside today and spend some time in nature. Go for a walk on a trail, around the block, or to a neighborhood park. Don't spend the time worrying about your to do list. Instead, really pay attention to and appreciate the environment around you. Research shows spending time in nature, even alone, reduces the negative feelings associated with loneliness.
WORK UP A SWEAT. Working out is a great way to take advantage of the opportunity that loneliness gifts you. Not only does it make you physically healthier, it lowers stress hormones like cortisol and has been shown to help lower rates of depression and anxiety. Have you ever felt worse after a workout?
GO FOR A DRIVE. Find a scenic route and go for a drive. Consider just using that time to be alone with your thoughts and silence all the noise (your phone, the radio, your inner critic). Resist the urge to have to fill the silence with music or podcasts. Take this time to recharge and sit with the feeling of loneliness. You can combine this with #1.
LISTEN TO A PODCAST. There are times when you should fill the silence with a podcast. You can't sit with your feelings all the time, sometimes a distraction is really what you need. There are podcasts for literally any topic you can think of including mental health and personal development like mine, Badass Confidence Coach, healthy living, comedy, stories both real and fiction, business, parenting, and more. Think of what you need in that moment (escape, education, inspiration) and hit search.
READ A BOOK. Just like with podcasts, books can fill a void and serve as a companion. So find a good book to get into. Walk around a bookstore (we can now!) and indulge in one really yummy, interesting book.